I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
