I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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