Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
