Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize