I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
