omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
