im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
