Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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