I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
