as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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