and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
