Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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