i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
