I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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