you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
