You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
