I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
