It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
