I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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