Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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