It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
