She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
