captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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