you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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