It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
