drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
