TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
