I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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