My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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