got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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