You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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