My pussy is not your playground.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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