You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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