Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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