I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
