He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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