Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
