So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
