scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
