how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
