I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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