Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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