is your mom at the bar?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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