fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
