doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
