Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
