Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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