bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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