My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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