remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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