1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
