THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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