Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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