His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
