Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
