having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
