i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people