what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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