i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together