Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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