there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
