You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
