my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
