it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
