im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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