im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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