He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
