i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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