from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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