shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
