the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you inspire me to be a worse person
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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