Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
