I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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