I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
