Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
