I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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