The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
