Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
