im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
