You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
