Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
did i just pee glitter
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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