ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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