my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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