woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
