omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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