I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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