I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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