he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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