why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
