Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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